You Find Me, a modern-day psalm

[My Revive Psalm, circa2014 ]

I can’t do this anymore. I am exhausted. I am overwhelmed. I don’t know who I am anymore. I am alone. Pressure to perform hangs over me like a guillotine, the blade poised to drop and end this façade at any moment. I’ve been so many things for so many people for so long.  I no longer know what’s truly me. I am worn thin. The struggle is real. Can anyone see? Does anyone notice I’m lost inside? Can anyone tell the inside is caving while the outside is smiling, saying that rehearsed line yet another time, “I’m good. You?” ?

Yet in the struggle, You find me, O Lord. You hear my unspoken cries and you come to me; you draw me in close. You speak beautiful Truth in my ear, the sweet somethings whispered to my aching heart. “You are altogether beautiful, my love…” “I called you out of darkness into the light.” “You are beautifully and wonderfully made.” “…there is no flaw in you.” “I knit you together in your mother’s womb.” “I know you, all of you, and I love you no matter what you do or don’t do.”

The weight of disappointment falls off my shoulders. I look into Your eyes and Your love washes over me, warming me from the inside out, leaving no part untouched. I can rest in Your arms, find rest and peace in You. Knowing you care more for my being than my doing. There is none like You Lord. You see the deepest parts of me, yet every time I come to You, You pull me into Your arms saying, “Oh there you are! Come here.” The judgment’s the same every time. “I love you. Don’t worry about it. I took care of it.” I am loved and accepted. You are faithful. You speak only Truth, not just words I want to hear, not condemnation, not “you should’ve done better.”  You are love. You are peace. Thank you, Jesus, for finding me, seeing through my mask, inviting me into You over and over again.