“Rambling of the Imperfect” came to me on a long drive across
the state late at night. I was contemplating conversations I’d had with friends
on my visit and reconsidering whether or not to start this blog. Questions swam
in my head: what would it be called? What would I write about? So, I started
thinking back through my life.
The only true constant in my life has been Jesus Christ. I met
Jesus going to church as a young girl, learning about Him from my parents and in Sunday School. But
it really hit home on a Christian TV program for children called Becky’s Barn.
At the end of each episode they’d do a little ditty on the gospel and I
remember being scared because they said people who didn’t believe in Jesus were
going to hell. So, I immediately ran upstairs to ask my mom if it was true and
if I could ask Jesus into my heart. I was four years old. She talked and prayed
with me. I remember sitting at the top of the stairs waiting for my father to
come home from work so I could tell him what happened. He prayed with me there
too. And I remember feeling physically better, happy, relieved; I knew in that moment I was not going to
hell. Around 12 years old, I was questioning my salvation and whether or not
I’d really understood that decision as a 4-year-old. I remember praying over
and over, asking Jesus to come into my life, to show me if I’d really been
saved. I remember I was in the bathroom (a great place for revelation) praying
for salvation for the umpteenth time, when a thought came as clear as day, “Why
are you asking when you already know the answer?” and that was it, all the clarity
I needed: a "duh!" moment. A few months later, I was baptized, recognizing my decision to submit
to Christ all my heart, soul, body, and mind, my whole life in front of my
family of believers who could keep me accountable.
It was a year or two later at a youth camp when I was filled
with the Holy Spirit. At that time, I was with a group of church kids who
weren’t really sure of the validity of all this “spirit stuff”, sure that
everyone was “just faking it”. In this particular meeting, several people had
gone to the front of the auditorium to be prayed for to be filled with the Holy
Spirit. Off to the left, a group of them were laying on the floor, some
laughing hysterically, some were crying, and some were speaking in gibberish. I skeptically went over to look and laugh at those who were obviously acting ridiculous. I
began laughing at them, and it was almost like the laughter overtook me. I was
laughing uncontrollably now; I couldn't stop! I was filled with a joy that
resonated through my soul, seemed to touch every part of my body. (Needless to
say, it was a good ab workout.) I fell on the floor with the others and
continued to laugh for several hours, even after they had to kick us out of the
building to lock up.
Since then, there have been ups and downs in my life, but I
have known with certainty that I can rely on God – the Father, the Son and the
Holy Spirit, as a constant in my life that will never let me down.
The older I get, the more I realize just how screwed up the
world is and how imperfect I am. I make mistakes all the time. I can be
inconsistent, I can let commitments fall through, I can say and do things I
regret.... over and over again. This only serves to remind me time and time
again, just how much I need Jesus. I am imperfect; He is perfect and yet he
chose to adopt me into his family, to let me be in relationship with Him, to
love me so much that the only possible response is to love Him back.
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