Family dynamics can be the most stressful and the most rewarding relationships of your lifetime.
I grew up as the eldest of four siblings - two girls, then two boys. Our family dynamic is a rare one: not only did our parents stay together through the entirety of our childhood, but all six of us want to remain friends as adults. Strengthened by lifelong bonds that leave few secrets between us, we legitimately enjoy each other's company... usually.
1. It involved all six family members: mom, dad, sister, and both brothers
2. It was out of state (only 1 previous family vacation could claim that)
3. Lastly, it was bringing a closure to a long-time dream of my mother's.
The purpose of this vacation was to visit the sister we'd never met.
My sister Hannah was born very premature on October 14, 1987, and subsequently died the same day. It broke my parents' hearts. This gift they'd been waiting for, and struggled to conceive, was only in their arms for a few hours. After my parents and toddler-me moved halfway across the country in 1990 to be closer to family, financial strain, and more children, made it difficult to return to the East Coast to visit her grave. It was a long desire of my mother to re-visit where she lay. Her desire became ours as the four of us grew up.
Finally, in summer of 2017, we were able to make it happen. We rented an AirBnB and spent the week exploring memory lane of my parents' late university and early marriage years. Midweek, we made the trip to the cemetery. We wandered the plots until we found the simple stone.
Once we cleaned the area around her name and placed our flowers, we sat down on the ground around her and listened to my mother and father recount the stories they had of her. They spoke of how they felt throughout the pregnancy and her short life - the ecstasy of that positive test, the hesitancy due to their history of prior failed pregnancies, the fear when her water broke early, the gratefulness of the few moments they were able to hold her, the grief at her last breath, the anger at this gift being yanked away. We looked at pictures of our precious two-pound baby sister. We cried together, prayed together, imagined what life might have been like if 1987 had the technology of today and she could have lived.
While it was an incredibly sober moment, it was also beautiful. It was the only time all 7 of us had been in the same spot.
